the circle of unfulfilled promises

I promised myself many things. I promised that I would spend more time to study, that I would sleep earlier, that I would dress up better, that I would be friendlier, that I would call home more often, that I would be a better person, that I would etc.

stack of books that 

I promised to read for my study

One thing I realize is that I rarely fulfilled those promises I made to myself. Therefore, I wonder whether I did so only to myself or also toward the others. Like people often say: look at yourself first before looking at the others. But I guess, I don't usually make promises to the other people, so it's not a problem. 


My problem is that I am too used to make promises to myself. When it turned out that I have broken it, I promised myself to do it all over again and then, it simply turned out that I couldn't keep my promise again and then, I would simply make another promise about being better at keeping promises, but I wouldn't and I would make another one and another one and another hundreds.


In conclusion, it's like a dark circle or maybe a black hole. I keep doing the same thing, which is not a 'good' same thing, but rather a 'bad' routine. It seems that I have blackened my eyes, fell into a black hole of promises and simply drowned myself in those promises in order to try to fulfill it. 


But I guess, I simply can't get out of it at this moment and simply need to make another promise of fulfilling my unfulfilled promises. I hope this won't last long. =P


nb:
sorry for the broken English.




=)
SVialli
[22.33]
[4 - 19/01/12]